How The Virus Can Change Your Life For the Better, Even If Your Parents Are To Blame

Me, Marietta a neighbour, and Harry 2 weeks before he died. Image credit: The Author

You may be dead in 12 days - alone

Are you still blaming your parents for making your life miserable? I know how you feel, I also did.

Now's your chance to live your own life. You may die, so better to go on your own terms.

We all have heavy crosses to bear. That's life. We can choose to live our life as defined by others, as many do, or to move on and live life on our own terms.

My brother went to his grave still clenching a hatred of our father - unforgiving. Another brother feels the same.

I was shocked (both times) when I found out that this is how they felt. I was not shocked because they felt that way because I also felt the same way when I was younger.

As I grew up I didn't feel out of place thinking negatively about my parents. It seems that only a minority feel that they've had the home life that they "deserve". So I just felt normal.

People I met who had a good relationship with their parents surprised me, it was nice to see.

Those experiences made me reflect on how my parents behaved. Not in a resentful way, but in a curious way - to understand what experiences must have shaped their lives.

On my eighteenth birthday, my father announced that I should leave the house "for the sake of peace" and gave me two months rent and two weeks to get packed up and out. I was studying full-time, so I had to find a job, find somewhere to live and understand how the world worked pronto.

I was about 40 years old when I had an earth-shattering realisation that released me from living a life framed by my father.

I realised that Dad was a product of his parents (and mother was a product of her parents) - as we all are. They both did the best they could, and they did not know any better.

That was it. I took a pause to appreciate them. They did the best they knew how.

Asked Harry to forgive Dad, for me

As my older brother was in the final two weeks of his life, I asked him to consider forgiving Dad.

The mention of Dad agitated him - he was dying of lung cancer. It was frightening to see him struggle to breathe. 

I waited until he could breathe easily again, and just said this, on each occasion:

"Harry, don't take Dad to the grave with you like this, because you are letting him define the way you die. Is your life not your own?"

Harry would try to argue his case, tell me about the pain and the abuse. I told him each time that I wasn't interested to hear. It was not my task to solve his problems for him. 

"Harry, stop. In 10 days you will be dead. I'll be clearing all this stuff out of the house. Most of it will go in a dumpster to the rubbish dump. You can only take with you what's in your heart. I believe that forgiving Dad will help you die in peace. Think about it for me."

He didn't.

Post: What I Asked Of My Brother As He Lay Dying

You are being offered a blessing - please take it

The virus is going to kill upwards to a hundred million people. It's not even started yet.

No-one believes the numbers coming out of Iran, or Irak, or Indonesia, or Afghanistan, or even Russia. How about India - they have slums of 10 million people. Bangladesh - no infrastructure, no medicines. Africa - Nigeria - 200 million people, the rest of Africa. South America - Venezuela has nothing, no medication, zero medical capacity - that's 30 million people. 

Once infected, you may be dead between 10 and 21 days later. The death rate is between 0.5% and 10%. Your lungs fill with mucus, which solidifies and suffocates you. You have no family or friends by your side - you (and me) will die alone.

If you blame your parents it's now the time to stop.

Whether you believe that you are a victim, a loner, a loser, or fear everyday life then it's time to stop. In 21 days you could be suffocating to death, alone. 

If that doesn't scare you into reflecting on how you want to live the rest of your life, then nothing else will. It's a great opportunity to escape the past and to redefine your future on your own terms. 

Don't take your unforgiveness to the grave with you. Don't die wondering what it would have been like to live life on your own terms - not as defined by your excuses for who you are.

Fear is a blessing. I've been fortunate enough to have experienced life-changing fear several times - changing me for the better. Make the most of it.

My post on Medium: The Next Time You Face Fear Consider Yourself One Of The Lucky Ones

Good luck.

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