Life is messy
The thought of being confused and going backwards scares people.
Today, people seek help when this happens to them. In the not too recent past, we called it life.
The way to move forward is to, firstly, acknowledge that life does not always make sense.
The 2019 movie Yesterday stars Jack Malik as a struggling singer-songwriter. He's just accepted that he'll never make it as a performer.
Then, by accident, he sings the Beatles' song Yesterday for his friends.
To his amazement, he discovers they have never heard of the Beatles. The entire premise of the film is that the world no longer remembers them.
That the world, including Google, no longer know of the Beetles makes no sense.
It makes no sense to Jack. It makes no sense to us, the viewers.
No explanation is offered - ever.
Life is not your mother
Jack could stop right there. He is going backwards in his life, and he is confused.
He decides to get onto the front foot, and to rewrite all the Beatles' songs and present them as his own. He becomes a success - until, he eventually becomes confused again, and relinquishes his success.
Life is not your mother.
Your parents didn't just shield you from life. They failed at their only task - which was to make you self-reliant. They turned their eyes away as you drifted into the world as a child-adult.
When you lack the capacity for self-reliance you are caught up in the need for approval. You live thinking about how you can be loved by other people - how you can be recognised by other people.
You're looking for that one true person that can make you happy - your destiny.
The leads to a lot of dark and unsatisfactory moments. Moments when things become confusing and go backwards - reinforcing your lack of self-reliance.
Here's the bad news. The problem is not life. Life happens.
Destiny presents itself often
Life is all about not knowing, and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this—all of it. Always has been and always will be. And it's not going to get any easier. (To quote Screw Finding Your Passion | Mark Manson)
The problem is you.
Here's the good news.
The first step towards personal freedom, growth, and becoming self-reliant, is awareness.
We need to be aware of the problem in order to solve the problem. It is not a mental health issue. It is a life issue.
You can choose to stay in the lifestyle of a child-adult - the lifestyle of seeking attention and love - the lifestyle of dependence and self-centeredness.
Or you can recognise that destiny presents itself often - it reveals itself when you choose to make it your destiny. Thousands of potential "destinies" have passed you by because you decided not to accept them.
You haven't chosen your "density" - your perfect partner or career, for example - because your feeling of inferiority provides you with an excuse for being confused about life.
Everyone has that excuse. Life doesn't care.
Engage in the confusion, and take action
Using our feelings of inferiority is not an excuse for not resolving our one key task - to become aware of our own responsibility to become self-reliant.
Strength begins with unwavering resilience.
Resilience comes from the awareness that our child-adult being is a misfit.
You cannot have confidence in yourself and respect yourself, and you cannot love without seeking collateral in that loving while remaining a child-adult.
To move forward, you need to first develop awareness. It begins by being aware that confusion and going backwards is growth presenting itself to you.
Cancer presented itself to me. Twice. I took it as a blessing. That was my choice.
You go forward and develop resilience by engaging in the confusion, and taking action - the same way Jack Malik did in Yesterday.
Destiny is something that you create by engaging in the dance of now.
Life is messy. Your first step towards self-reliance is not the hardest, and it's not the easiest. It just one of many. You will go forward and backward and be confused. Just keep taking steps.
Since I was diagnosed at 50 with Type 2 diabetes I've been learning how to do bone-building fitness training which lowers my age. You can too. It's your choice. Walter